I did NOT make a bag of steak fries at 11:00 at night because I'd forgotten to eat dinner in the melee of getting a 2 year old and a 5 month old to bed. I did NOT then forget to put the leftover fries away and leave them on the table, and most certainly did NOT let my 2-year old find them the next morning and eat them for breakfast.
I also did NOT grab the camera and start taking pictures instead of stopping my toddler from drawing with crayons on the coffee table because I was most definitely NOT thinking "Grandma would love to see this" and "they're washable crayons anyway, a Clorox wipe will take that right off".
I did NOT buy a potty seat and "big girl" undies in preparation for potty-training our 2-year old, and most certainly did NOT then chicken out and leave the potty seat gathering dust in the bathroom.
When it came time to rush-clean the kitchen before company came over, I did NOT grab all the dirty dishes on the counter and stack them in the bottom of the dishwasher, because I was most definitely NOT thinking "I'll wash them after they leave". I also did NOT procrastinate getting my daughter up from her nap because I needed a little more me-time, because I could NOT hear her bumping around in her room and tossing toys down the stairs.
I did NOT giggle at my 2-year old when she crossed her arms and yelled "that's IT!" because I wouldn't give her another animal cracker. When she later walked in to see her brother playing with one of her toys (I would NOT let him play with her stuff) I did NOT giggle again when she indignantly said "hey, what's going on here?"
I would never do all of that. Not me!