there were lots of things that went wrong yesterday.
potty-training is on a hiatus, she isn't ready and neither am I.
not only is she not ready, but even though we have her PJ's on backwards so she can't reach the zipper, lately she still manages to get them off and remove her diaper and inevitably pee somewhere.
so bedtime was rough because she got punished for taking her sleepers off and peeing on the floor, and then of course she didn't want to calm down and go to sleep so she stayed up and cried. I get all anxious and scrunched up inside when she doesn't go down easy, when I can hear her up there crying and saying "mommy, mommy", I just hate it. normal bedtime is I read her a book, tuck her in, give kisses and hugs, and then I shut the gate and tell her one last "goodnight" and "I love you", to which she usually pipes up "lub you! nigh-night!". When bedtime goes smoothly, it's an "all is right with the world" feeling and I'm at peace. When bedtime doesn't go well I get anxious, what if she's crying because she's scared? could we have handled that differently so she wouldn't have had to go to bed on a "bad" note? I know that she will eventually fall asleep and wake up in the morning and all will be good...I dunno, maybe it's just me because nighttime has always made me anxious. I had a really tough time sleeping for a long time growing up, some nights not even the tape of lullabies would help (Sleep Sound in Jesus, anyone?). The only failsafe was our cat, Angel, when she slept with me it was like her purring wrapped us in a big bubble of Safe and kept all the fear and bad dreams away. I know that ZaZa's only 2, but I want to make sure that she feels safe, I want to keep all the fear and bad dreams away from her. but I also want her to stop peeing on the floor. I am currently working on figuring out a gadget that will hook the zipper tab to the top of the PJs so that the zipper can't be pulled down. if she can't unzip, she can't get out! mwah-ha-ha! (and no, safety pins won't work because she could get it open and poke herself).
and THEN, after all that, I changed the water in the fish's container and did something wrong because 2 hours later bye-bye Clyde and Janet. "hitched a ride on the porcelain express".
I killed the fish.
it was that kind of day.