what goes on inside my head

*does anyone else think of Captain Hook from Peter Pan when they hear the phrase "by hook or by crook"?

*I do not understand the button-down/dress pants/sneakers look. Is that like the businessman's dresscode version of a mullet? business up top, party on the floor? or perhaps it's in case of a zombie invasion at the used-car dealership?

*the way ladies stand on the red carpet (with their legs crossed) makes them look like they have to pee

*I usually end up singing through the alphabet at least twice when I'm alphabetizing something

*why do divided plates only have 3 sections? what if I have more than 3 foods that I don't want to touch each other?

*every time I eat sausage for breakfast, I HAVE to have orange juice with it. I crave it. What's that about?

*why don't bibs have sleeves? or even legs? there should be full-coverage bibs so you can just wash the face and hands, pop off the bib and there's your kid all neat and clean

*a brand new box of crayons is super exciting

*while I love the magazine and some of the neat ideas in it, the first thought that crosses my mind when I see the cover of Martha Stewart Living is "overachiever"

*I can't see a bag of marshmallows without thinking of Homestar Runner

* I still get excited when the opening credits start rolling for any of the old-school cartoons (Looney Tunes, Mickey Mouse, Rescue Rangers, Ducktales, TMNT, Jetsons, Flintstones...)

*the epitome of optimism is best portrayed by candy makers. If ever there was a product that wasn't good for you, that's it, yet the makers excel at pointing out the best traits. Twizzlers? Fat Free! Raisinets? antioxidant rich! Snickers? protein! Gummy worms? fruit juice! ice cream? calcium!