I'm in a bit of a funk right now, or as my former coworker used to call it, "a foul mood". I am having a "woe is me" pity party for myself...mostly because I can.
My birthday was on Monday. Only my mother called me. I have 3 siblings...none of them called me. none of them posted on my Facebook. Hell, I didn't even get a "Haps B!" text message. Now, I only turned 28. I realize that's not a big milestone or anything but it's still my birthday. One day out of the year, folks, that's all I'm asking. The reason I feel free to gripe on here is one; it's my blog, and two; I'm pretty sure only about 3 people actually read this, which leads me to pity party item two. The last 10 or so posts I've made have gotten no comments. None. not even if I add them all together. This bums me out. I know that I started this blog for myself, to get back into writing, but sometimes you just need the feedback, you know? to know that someone is out there that thinks your thoughts (however small or poorly written) are worth reading. I know I'm not superblogger or anything...ah, I guess I'm just complaining in hopes that this post will go viral and by tomorrow I'll have 3000 followers and I'll pop some ads up here and start making money for the first time since being laid off.
whatever. I guess I just need to get it through my head that this blog really is for me and anyone else's 2 cents is just a bonus. but then we get into "zero expectations" territory, which is good in theory...but I have noticed there is a SUPER fine line between "zero expectations" and "trust issues". or perhaps I should say "zero expectations" and Eeyore Syndrome. "I don't need anyone to comment, this is just for me. not that it matters, because no one will comment anyway. Nobody cares." see how that works?
I did have an excellent birthday, with some fantastic presents that I can't wait to use (Camera stuff, woohoo!) and Bogie let me sleep in while he took care of the kids (he actually took care of them most of the day, which was a super thoughtful and amazing gift). Maybe that's part of what's adding to my funk, it didn't take long to get spoiled with all that free time and now it's gone again. Maybe every day should be my birthday. only with more phone calls.
see, and now it's 11:15 at night and I've only had an hour and a half of free time, but I need to go to bed because D will be awake in a few hours because he's STILL not sleeping through the night...pretty sure sleep-deprivation doesn't help the foul mood.
you know what else doesn't help? having no money. I'm not a big fan of living on a budget, but I can do it. but I get super stressed out when there are bills hanging over my head that I can't pay. I hate it. hate hate hate. it wouldn't take much to make our lives free and easy, either. it's hard not to get resentful when I hear of some ballplayer (foot or base) that got fined for some stupid action that resulted in them paying oh $15,000 or so in fees. seriously, that's chump change for them and that amount would absolutely put us at ease. What they spend on the pro-athlete's equivalent of a parking ticket I could use to pay off all our bills, medical and otherwise, pay our rent for a year or so in advance, get a decent used car for both Bogie and I, and either make a serious dent in our student loans or make a nice deposit to our savings account.
$30,000 would put us completely out of debt, financially at ease with 2 nice vehicles and a solid nest egg. and they get fined that amount for doing the chicken dance in the end zone. gotta love America. (I have no idea if anyone got fined for doing the chicken dance in the endzone, I just made that up. but they get fined for doing really stupid things).
oh, AND...we were invited to a costume party tomorrow, except Bogie has to work and nobody would trade with him. so we'd have to leave the party at like 9:45...but we don't have a babysitter anyway and even if we did the kids won't go to bed until like 7:30 which basically gives us an hour at the party. where's my kazoo?
I know how to fix this. I will call up all my siblings and yell at them for being bad siblings, and then we'll ALL be in foul moods. I will also go try out for a game show and win my $30,000 nest egg... so who wants to go audition for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" with me?