*Extra-tall babygates do not a 3-foot tall toddler contain.
*6:30 am is a miserable time to be awake, especially when it involves discovering your kid in the bathroom rifling through the drawer full of bandaids, wipes, and nail polish (see above)
*peanut butter is an excellent substitute for glue. The probability of PB being distributed on objects is directly related to the probability of said object being expensive, fragile, or otherwise averse to oily food pastes.
*in a similar vein, the probability of missing the garbage truck is directly related to how much garbage is accumulating by the back door.
*the earlier you wake up, the longer the day seems (i.e. "it's 8:30 am, shouldn't it be time for lunch by now?")
*the one day that the sleepless, up-every-few-hours kid sleeps in is the one day that the goes-right-to-bed-and-sleeps-for-12-hours-kid will be up bright (not so much) and early.
* "ouchy butt" is toddler code for raunchiest diaper ever
*nothing ever goes according to plan...except on the rare occasions where it doesn't matter and you have several back-up plans that you like better
*the angrier you are, the more likely it is that your kid will do something totally off the wall that makes you crack up
*stainless steel mixing bowls are best used as a drumset only when everyone is awake
*burning candles with such scents as "pumpkin spice" and "mulled cider" will not only make your home smell delicious and Autumn-like, but will also leave you missing your family and the holiday get-togethers (and possibly craving pie)
*a brand new diaper is just an invitation to its owner to poo faster and with more quantity
*being out of bread, strawberries, yogurt, hotdogs, string cheese and grapes almost guarantees that your toddler will request toast, sandwiches, fruit, and all of the other items you cannot make or no longer have
*the carnival fish your daughter came home with will not die immediately as expected...but rather after they have been named and she is semi-attached you can expect them to "hitch a ride on the porcelain express" any day now. (Clyde and Janet, in case you were interested. and bonus points if you can tell me where the quote is from!)