Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You might be a mother if:

-you get adept at picking things up with your toes so that you don't have to bend over with the baby
-you hear your husband say "you can't eat your pants, man"
-you only pee with the door shut when there's company over
-your 2-year old starts saying "I TOLD you...", "Don't touch!", and "look at me!"
-being pooped on doesn't phase you, but watching your kid stick her finger in her ear and then in her mouth makes you gag
-you have to explain to your daughter that your son doesn't have a tail because tails aren't in the front
-there are pen and crayon scribbles all over your "you might be a mother" list
-you realize you've been listening to kiddie songs for the past 20 minutes, but your kids have been asleep for 30
-you've ever had to say "that's not a bathtub, that's my left breast"
-phone conversations go something like this: "yes, I was calling-get down!-to see when you-no more juice, sweetie-were open until? Okay, thank-I said no, sweetie-thank you very much!"
-you hear a juicy burp that didn't come from your child but you check your shoulder for spit-up anyway
-uttering things like "please get your crayons out of your ears" and "petting zoos probably shouldn't have lions in them" are everyday occurrences
-you can breastfeed and cut coupons at the same time
-you open the freezer and a plastic cow falls into it because there are so many toys on top of the fridge in "time-out"
-you finally have an excuse to listen to as many Disney and Broadway songs as you want
-the phrase "don't play with his drool, please" has ever crossed your lips
-you recognize the look on a baby's face that says they're chewing on something they shouldn't have
-you watch a movie or TV show that features a newborn baby and think "pshft, that kid's 3 months old, easy"


  1. this is hilarious! i do check your blog often, ya know. your wit makes me smile every time :) love you

  2. and i have done almost all of these things! my favorite is the first one. Sooz picks on me all the time for doing this because i pretty never bend over anymore. Why bend over when you can use the toes?!

  3. I totally thought of you when I was writing that one down! I usually use it for his pacifier, but I've gotten pretty good at doing it with blankets too. thanks for reading my blog, Jenn, it makes my heart happy. love you too!

  4. Thank you for making me laugh today, I really needed it! I love your blog by the way...

  5. You're pretty funny! I don't know who you are, but I saw the link that Jenn posted on fb. Definitely keep writing. You're style is so easy to read and it's funny :)

  6. oh carla---gotta love these days! they are numbered and fly by so fast!! (unless you keep having kids....)

  7. and jenn, sorry for picking on you...i now pick things up with my toes just like you! you are a genius!

  8. thanks, guys! i'm already working on list number two!