You might be a mother if:

-you get adept at picking things up with your toes so that you don't have to bend over with the baby
-you hear your husband say "you can't eat your pants, man"
-you only pee with the door shut when there's company over
-your 2-year old starts saying "I TOLD you...", "Don't touch!", and "look at me!"
-being pooped on doesn't phase you, but watching your kid stick her finger in her ear and then in her mouth makes you gag
-you have to explain to your daughter that your son doesn't have a tail because tails aren't in the front
-there are pen and crayon scribbles all over your "you might be a mother" list
-you realize you've been listening to kiddie songs for the past 20 minutes, but your kids have been asleep for 30
-you've ever had to say "that's not a bathtub, that's my left breast"
-phone conversations go something like this: "yes, I was calling-get down!-to see when you-no more juice, sweetie-were open until? Okay, thank-I said no, sweetie-thank you very much!"
-you hear a juicy burp that didn't come from your child but you check your shoulder for spit-up anyway
-uttering things like "please get your crayons out of your ears" and "petting zoos probably shouldn't have lions in them" are everyday occurrences
-you can breastfeed and cut coupons at the same time
-you open the freezer and a plastic cow falls into it because there are so many toys on top of the fridge in "time-out"
-you finally have an excuse to listen to as many Disney and Broadway songs as you want
-the phrase "don't play with his drool, please" has ever crossed your lips
-you recognize the look on a baby's face that says they're chewing on something they shouldn't have
-you watch a movie or TV show that features a newborn baby and think "pshft, that kid's 3 months old, easy"